we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
