Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
