This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
