At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
pray to the hookup gods
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Who died my cat blue again?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
