If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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