I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
