My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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