3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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