She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
