i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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