Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
