And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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