I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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