He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
