Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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