when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So vagazzling was a success
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
