i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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