When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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