my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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