I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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