I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
