My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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