she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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