having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
