just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
