When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
