I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
