Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
