I puked a lego.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
