My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
