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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
