They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
