nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize