he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize