she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
mondays should just be called national damage control day
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
