I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
