3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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