I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize