dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Randomize
