im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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