Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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