You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
