1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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