Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
