my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize