I want to have your abortion
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
