I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
