He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
