If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
