Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
