Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize