Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
