If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
