Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize