I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She said her name was "party"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
