I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
