just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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