I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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