Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
