ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
