I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We had sex on a dog bed..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
