dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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