i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
