You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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