I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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