Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
