That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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