And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
