I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize