It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
